This is my second Valentine's Day as a single and free woman. Although I do miss the traditions my former husband and I had for this day, I'm cool being alone.
Kinda.
Would it be lovely if I woke up to a beautiful bouquet of lilies (my favorite flower, future husband who may be reading my blogs, take note.)? Absolutely! Would I feel like the luckiest girl in the world if someone took me out for a fabulous dinner? Of course! Eating is my favorite!! Oh, you bought me diamonds? Why, thank you! All of these cliched, yet touching, acts would make anyone feel like a million bucks. I was feeling a little bummed that none of this will happen to me this year, but then I sat down and really took a good, hard look at myself.
I often engage in a lot of self-deprecating humor. I make fun of myself all the time, mostly because I'd like to do it before someone else will. I make a lot of mistakes. I'm horribly awkward with people who intimidate me. I'm a chunky monkey. My hair is always frizzy, regardless of what I do to it. I'm not even trying to pick myself apart right now, but it's so easy because I'm full of faults and imperfections. And I just did it again.
I've decided to knock it the fuck off. Why am I so hard on myself? I know I'm not alone here either, so better yet, why are we all so hard on ourselves? Life is difficult, man. Especially when you're not living in an "ideal" situation. You're single, maybe you're unemployed, or you're a single mom and your ex is a douche, or your family sucks or your cat hates you or you have a really big nose.... Responsibility for our actions and our state of physicality should somewhat be taken into account, however, some things are out of our control and we have to just roll with the punches. We're not perfect. We're going to make mistakes. Lots and lots and lots of mistakes. We're not all going to look like Victoria's Secret models or pro-athletes or hell, even average looking. And so what?
I'll admit it, I've hated on a lot of people for the way they look. It seems as if some are just asking for it. Especially, if said person is also an asshole. Perhaps that person is an asshole because he or she really dislikes who they are. They're only defense mechanism is to be an asshole to everyone else because they're dissatisfied with themselves.
My point is, and I'm aware of the cheesyness, focusing on loving ourselves is going to make us happier and less bitter about things like, Valentine's Day for example. It's not easy, I think we have to make the actual choice to be happy and refuse to let things that would normally piss us off, get to us. For me, sarcasm and snarkyness are like a cozy pair of socks. I'm so comfortable with being sarcastic, I often don't realize how negative I am. Like ALL THE TIME. I'm single, so I could very easily gag at all the pictures of flowers and chocolate I've seen on Facebook so far today. But these pictures are being posted by people that I know and care about, and they're happy. They're excited. When we're excited about something, we want to tell the world, and social media has allowed that to happen. If it truly bothered me, I wouldn't still have a Facebook page and I'd be a crappy friend for not sharing in the joy with my friends. I'm not in a relationship right now, but I'm not also not dead. I'm only 30. I have time. And I'm cool with waiting for the right person to have a relationship of value with. Love is awesome.
I mean, sometimes, love crushes our souls and makes us resent everything and everyone and we fantasize about running those who have hurt us over with a truck every now and then. I'm saying.....generally, love is awesome. And if you've been in love, you know this.
Today, I'm buying myself flowers. I'm going to an enjoy a special dinner with my little girls whom I love more than anything else in the world, yes, even more than vodka. Then, I'm going to cook myself the tastiest, juiciest steak with a side of........I don't know yet, but it's going to be fucking delicious. I already bought myself a present (Perfume! I'm so sweet.) I might even make a night of it and give myself a sexy, smoky eye (That's makeup talk, for the few straight gentlemen who read my blog). I'll stare at myself in the mirror for a solid 5 minutes and admire the qualities I was blessed with. Then I'll probably finish off the night by watching The Walking Dead and slapping myself on the ass for having such a great day.
I invite you to also spoil yourself a little if no one else will. Check out your pretty eyes, or your beautiful hair, or your biceps, or your perfectly placed ears, or evaluate how good of a person you are, or how you're a hit at parties, or the fact that you pay your credit card bills on time, or how well you make your bed or how nice your hands are or well you can make macaroni and cheese out of the box, or how organized your closet is, or how good of a parent you are......pick something positive about yourself and LOVE THE SHIT OUT OF IT.
One last thing, I love you, and hope you love you too. Happy Fucking Valentine's Day, Gorgeous! ;)
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