Everything. Was. Perfect. I decided to quit my job at the sports restaurant because I made more money bartending in two nights than I did all week there. Plus, I was getting tired of running Alexa around to different baby-sitters all the time. AND I just got really sick of working at that god forsaken place. It gave me more time with Josh and Alexa, and I felt as though we were all bonding, kind of like a weird, little mismatched family.
We talked about getting married someday, and it felt 100% right. He was so..........enamored with me. I truly never thought someone could love me that much and that I would feel the same way about him. It was then that I understood why people get married in the first place because before, I thought it was nothing more than a binding contract. And in a way, it is, but there is so much that stands behind that contract. I wanted to show my family and close friends how happy this man had made me. I wanted to stand up in front of everyone and vow to love and cherish him for the rest of our lives. I wanted a fancy, delicious cake.......
So let me just make one thing very clear: I am not a materialistic kind of girl. Would I kill someone over a pair of Christian Leboutin shoes? Well............
Ok, would I kill someone over a new Coach bag? No. I appreciate the finer things in life, but I can live without them. I am the epitome of "champagne taste on a beer budget". And most of the finer things in life are just that: things.
"But, Jen, what does this have to do with anything?"
Calm down, I'm getting somewhere!
Josh came into a reasonably large sum of money that he really didn't know what to do with. To this day, I don't remember what he spent it on. He did, however, begin hinting around about my ring finger. He commented on how I never wore rings and he may have even flat out asked me what my ring size was. Now, I'm starting to get excited. My imagination is running away with me. How is he going to propose? Where is he going to propose? WHEN IS HE GOING TO PROPOSE?!?!
A few months go by, and nothing happens. His birthday is the same day as St. Patrick's Day so clearly, to me, this is a big deal. I will celebrate anything when there is beer involved. I asked what he wanted to do to celebrate, and he didn't share my excitement. Our families celebrated birthdays very differently. My family almost went over the top. His family, not so much. So I decided to make a spectacle of his birthday weekend. I'm talking limo, fancy restaurant, and a whole night of drinking $8/bottle champagne. Yeeeeeaaaaaah buddy!!! Then on his actual birthday, we attended the St. Patty's Day parade and proceeded to become obliterated. Drunkity drunk, drunk, drunk.
The next morning, I felt like I died. I actually wondered if I had died, was rejected in the afterlife, then was rolled up in a ball and shot through a cannon back into my bed. Sick does not even begin to explain the way I felt......and the way I continued to feel. Two days later, I was still nauseous. I had no appetite. I was lightheaded and had a headache. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks.
I was fucking pregnant. I was pregnant through St. Patrick's Day!!!!
Since this was not my first rodeo, (the first time I was pregnant, I found out after being in Las Vegas for month for work. I will not be going into a nice nursing home when I'm old) I took 4 pregnancy tests, just to be sure, and broke the news to Josh. His reaction was far better than mine. I was not happy, he was ecstatic. He was too excited to look at the big picture. I loved my bartending job. No, I couldn't do it forever, but I was happy for the time being and the money was great. How long could I be a pregnant bartender for? I became very concerned about money, work schedules, and mostly, what my parents were going to think. Here I was, again, NOT married (still not technically engaged either), NOT yet fully educated, bartending for a living, and NO savings account. This time, they would disown me for sure.
Josh was so elated and couldn't understand why I wasn't. This was a dream for him. I was pretty much all set with the one beautiful child I had, and he wanted to be a father so badly. He was very much against abortion and adoption was just not an option for either one of us. So we decided to go through with it. I eventually moved past my worry and moved into a happy place again. Fortunately, my parents were slightly more excited than the first time I told them I was knocked up because they liked Josh and they knew we were serious about each other. All systems go!
Well sort of. My mom offered to send us on a "babymoon" if we got married before the baby was born. Since Josh and I didn't care how or when we got married, we agreed. He told me he didn't care if we were married in front of a justice of the peace or an Elvis impersonator, he just wanted to marry me. So a small wedding was thrown together in just two months. By the time everything was planned and ready to go, we wanted to elope. Don't ever try to plan in wedding in two months. Trust me.
There I was......a bride with a bun in the oven. Six months pregnant, but I honestly couldn't have been happier. All the important things I wanted to be a part of my wedding were there. My dad walked me down the aisle, we were married outside, the food was great, the cake.....oh my God, the cake.........perfection.
The honeymoon/babymoon was.......interesting. We decided on a trip to Niagara Falls. He had never been, I hadn't been since I was a kid. We stopped in Buffalo on the way and ate at The Melting Pot. He surprised me by upgrading our dinner with a bouquet of roses and our server took a beautiful picture of us at the restaurant and framed it. We were off to a great start!
Up until this point, I hadn't gained much weight, but it all hit me by the sixth month. I was tired, I was cranky, and I did NOT feel like walking all over hell's half acre to see the Falls from different angles. But I sucked it up, for Josh and for the exercise. I made sure I didn't complain because I didn't want to be a nagging, complaining wife already. We had fun, but we didn't have as much fun as I thought we were going to have. His mission for our honeymoon was finding a really great deal on liquor from the duty free on the Canadian side of the Falls. We walked all over Canada trying to find the right place with the best deals. I was ready to go home. He wouldn't let me sleep in because he wanted to go out and do stuff early. We didn't even really do.....honeymoon type things. There was something wrong about the whole trip, but I couldn't put my finger on what it was that made us so out of sync. It was almost like the trip became more about him, than about us.
As we drove back home, I tried to push my worry aside. So we didn't have an epic honeymoon, so what? I'm freakin' pregnant! Pregnant women aren't fun! Or are they........? I was very confused. Was our lackluster honeymoon going to set the tone for the rest of our marriage? Am I being too neurotic? Is it ok to take a Valium while you're pregnant? What did it all mean?!!?
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Friday, November 11, 2011
The Beginnning: Part Deux because.....sometimes sequels are......good.....
Dreamy Line Cook aka "Josh", and I had talked every night on the phone for at least a week. Although he worked nearby, he actually lived with his brother about 45 minutes away. And he didn't have a car. Or a valid license (LADIES!! THIS IS A RED FLAG!!!). I have never been very judgmental (but did have very low expectations), so this predicament didn't really phase me. I worked around it. So instead of Josh taking me on a first date at a 5 star establishment like Applebee's, we had lunch at the restaurant he worked at......we had lunch because he had to work the dinner shift......
Moving on!
This blossoming relationship was unlike any relationship I had ever experienced before. It was effortless. There were no games. I didn't have to hide my feelings or put on an act in order to make him like me more. I could be myself, tell corny jokes, be clumsy and goofy, and he found it all very charming. He also thought I was the most beautiful girl in the world. I know this because he told me every 5 minutes. Was this love? I had no idea, but I was really into whatever it was.
Prior to dating Josh, I had been burned several times and I decided my daughter, Alexa, was enough for me. I didn't want to get married because it seemed like a bunch of crap. My parents' recent divorce after 30 years of marriage heavily influenced this idea. Being a single mom had made me fiercely independent. Like I said before, I had been enjoying being single and having the freedom to flirt with whomever I chose to.
Meeting Josh threw me for a loop and all my long term relationship theories flew out the window. I felt like he understood me and actually got my sense of humor. We shared the same passions about the artistic aspect of food. My father was a chef, and I'm pretty sure Josh had a litter of kittens when I told him. He was blown away by my knowledge and appreciation of different types of cuisine. He was CRAZY passionate about music and so was I. And he loved coffee. I freaking LOVE coffee. Several nights instead of going out drinking, we grabbed a 12 pack of beers and just sat at my kitchen table and talked about everything under the sun. One of my happiest memories is when we found a panoramic puzzle of the New York City skyline. We bought it together, grabbed some beers, and completed (most of) the puzzle. That night, I fell head over heels. We laughed and laughed and laughed. I don't think I've ever had that much fun doing a puzzle in my entire life. Before I knew it, he was moving in to my apartment.
I know you might be thinking, "Wait a minute, Jen. What about your daughter?"
Well. This had been dangerous territory in the past. When you're under 25 and you have a kid, guess how many guys want to seriously date you? This many ----> 0.
So naturally, I proceeded with trepidation. I asked several times and in several different ways if he was ok with dating someone who had a child. Every time I asked, he assured me that he loved children and hoped to have one of his own someday. He was incredibly taken by Alexa because, well, she's damn cute.
Josh moved in after we had been dating for merely four weeks. I had never been more sure about anything up to this point. I loved waking up next to him everyday. He bought me flowers. He bought me a new coffee maker. I was falling in love hard and fast. Before long, we said it out loud and for the first time in my life, I actually meant it.
Moving on!
This blossoming relationship was unlike any relationship I had ever experienced before. It was effortless. There were no games. I didn't have to hide my feelings or put on an act in order to make him like me more. I could be myself, tell corny jokes, be clumsy and goofy, and he found it all very charming. He also thought I was the most beautiful girl in the world. I know this because he told me every 5 minutes. Was this love? I had no idea, but I was really into whatever it was.
Prior to dating Josh, I had been burned several times and I decided my daughter, Alexa, was enough for me. I didn't want to get married because it seemed like a bunch of crap. My parents' recent divorce after 30 years of marriage heavily influenced this idea. Being a single mom had made me fiercely independent. Like I said before, I had been enjoying being single and having the freedom to flirt with whomever I chose to.
Meeting Josh threw me for a loop and all my long term relationship theories flew out the window. I felt like he understood me and actually got my sense of humor. We shared the same passions about the artistic aspect of food. My father was a chef, and I'm pretty sure Josh had a litter of kittens when I told him. He was blown away by my knowledge and appreciation of different types of cuisine. He was CRAZY passionate about music and so was I. And he loved coffee. I freaking LOVE coffee. Several nights instead of going out drinking, we grabbed a 12 pack of beers and just sat at my kitchen table and talked about everything under the sun. One of my happiest memories is when we found a panoramic puzzle of the New York City skyline. We bought it together, grabbed some beers, and completed (most of) the puzzle. That night, I fell head over heels. We laughed and laughed and laughed. I don't think I've ever had that much fun doing a puzzle in my entire life. Before I knew it, he was moving in to my apartment.
I know you might be thinking, "Wait a minute, Jen. What about your daughter?"
Well. This had been dangerous territory in the past. When you're under 25 and you have a kid, guess how many guys want to seriously date you? This many ----> 0.
So naturally, I proceeded with trepidation. I asked several times and in several different ways if he was ok with dating someone who had a child. Every time I asked, he assured me that he loved children and hoped to have one of his own someday. He was incredibly taken by Alexa because, well, she's damn cute.
Josh moved in after we had been dating for merely four weeks. I had never been more sure about anything up to this point. I loved waking up next to him everyday. He bought me flowers. He bought me a new coffee maker. I was falling in love hard and fast. Before long, we said it out loud and for the first time in my life, I actually meant it.
The Beginning: Part 1.....because every great story has one.
The Year: 2006
Best. Year. Ever. I took a Vegas vacation with my girlfriends, I went to a bunch of incredible concerts, I was making great money waitressing, and best of all, I had established a fabulous group of friends. Perfection. Well, my version of it anyway. I was riding high, enjoying the hell out of being single. Besides, I didn't really have a clear example of what kind of man I was attracted to. Until I saw him.
I'm working at this sports themed restaurant where I had met said fabulous group of friends. I was in my element. You should know that I always wanted to be an entertainer, therefore, I was usually pretty loud and obnoxious. But not obnoxious in a bad way (at least I hope not). I just loved to laugh and tell jokes and make fun of the line cooks. It got me through the long nights of slinging chicken tenders and tall Buds to drunk Giants fans. One night, while I was expo-ing (restaurant term that means arranging each table's order and garnishing plates before they reach the guests. You're welcome), I noticed a new guy behind the line. I remember the second he looked up at me with warm, blue eyes that smiled even when he wasn't, and I think I melted.
He had a gorgeous face. First of all, I was shocked that a good looking guy was frying chicken tenders. Secondly, I knew that there was no way in hell he dug chubby brunettes. (Sidebar: I had always been unlucky whenever I was attracted to someone first, usually that someone wasn't attracted to me, so we would enter the "friend zone". You can put your violin away now.) So despite the fact that dreamy line cook was working just inches away from me, I put him out of my head and did my job, yelling at servers to run their food and yelling at line cooks for taking 25 minutes to make an order of french fries.
Come to find out, Dreamy Line Cook already had a girlfriend. I discovered this by asking my super stealth friend, Jeannine, to find out if he was taken or not, which she did by asking him straight out. After working with him for a few weeks, I came to notice his very sexy sculpted arms, and his even sexier tattoos. His station on the line was very conveniently located on the way to the walk-in cooler, from which I retrieved many imaginary lemons and tomatoes. I have this very clear memory of him looking up at me as I walked by one day, and smiling at me so brightly that his entire face lit up that ugly, drab kitchen. Me, being ever so cool, totally blushed and walked away quickly, practically dropping the imaginary lettuce.
We never really spoke or had a conversation, but I was always checking him out. I categorized him as "unattainable" and never pursued anything. Then, one week went by and I noticed he hadn't been around. Another week passed, no more eye candy. Had I been trapped in an 80's music video for a month? No one really had an explanation as to where he was. I decided that I was dangerously close to being called a stalker, and I dropped it. I eventually forgot about him, and carried on.
The Year: 2007
So in a nutshell, this year sucked. I had lost two friends, whom I considered very close, due to an absolutely ridiculous roommate situation (I would rather work three jobs than ever have roommates again). My daughter had decided that her goal in life, at age 3, was to destroy everything I spent my hard earned money on. I was working two jobs: Bartending at a karaoke bar twice a week, and waitressing at the sports restaurant three days a week. I was always busy, yet always broke and establishing guilt for having to pick my daughter up from a baby-sitter at midnight or later most of the time.
I moved into a new apartment right after Thanksgiving. This time, I was living with the only roommate I wanted, my daughter, even though I knew she was going to keep breaking my shit. I knew that things were going to be difficult financially, but I tried to escape those feelings by an occasional night out with my peeps (not be confused with colorful marshmallows in the shape of baby animals).
So one particular night, my friends and I went to dinner at a new restaurant owned by the same company of the restaurant that I worked at (got it?). Remember my friend Jeannine? She had been working at the new restaurant, assisting in training the new staff. One night, my fab friends and I met up with Jeannine at the new place for dinner. After a delicious meal, Jeannine disappears. Then, literally out of no where, Dreamy Line Cook appears.
"Hi, I'm Joshua!" he said with that 1000 watt smile that grabbed my attention the first time I saw him. I think I told him my name or something of that nature because I was so stunned I really had no idea what I was saying. Then he just started talking, telling me about how he had broken his neck a few month before, and how he was lucky to be alive, and I just simply couldn't process what he was telling me because I was too busy being shocked. Finally he said, "Let me give you my number!" I nervously fumbled with my phone and made sure that I saved it. Since he was in the middle of preparing numerous dinners in the kitchen, he had to leave me but said he hoped to hear from me. After he left, I looked at my smiling friends at the table. "What the hell just happened?" I said.
Later on, Jeannine and I went out bar hopping but I couldn't stop thinking about Josh. Then I realized, I had his number, but he didn't have mine. I asked Jeannine how long I should wait before I call him so I don't appear desperate and her advice was to wait until tomorrow. So naturally, I ignored her advice and texted him that night. No worries, I kept it cool. I wrote, "Hi Josh! It's Jen. It was so great to see you! I hope to talk to you soon!" Simple. To the point and honest. When my phone alerted me that I received a new text, my heart was in my throat. He wrote back, asking me if he could call me when he got out of work. I agreed and about three hours later, we were on the phone.
And we remained on the phone until the sun came up.
Best. Year. Ever. I took a Vegas vacation with my girlfriends, I went to a bunch of incredible concerts, I was making great money waitressing, and best of all, I had established a fabulous group of friends. Perfection. Well, my version of it anyway. I was riding high, enjoying the hell out of being single. Besides, I didn't really have a clear example of what kind of man I was attracted to. Until I saw him.
I'm working at this sports themed restaurant where I had met said fabulous group of friends. I was in my element. You should know that I always wanted to be an entertainer, therefore, I was usually pretty loud and obnoxious. But not obnoxious in a bad way (at least I hope not). I just loved to laugh and tell jokes and make fun of the line cooks. It got me through the long nights of slinging chicken tenders and tall Buds to drunk Giants fans. One night, while I was expo-ing (restaurant term that means arranging each table's order and garnishing plates before they reach the guests. You're welcome), I noticed a new guy behind the line. I remember the second he looked up at me with warm, blue eyes that smiled even when he wasn't, and I think I melted.
He had a gorgeous face. First of all, I was shocked that a good looking guy was frying chicken tenders. Secondly, I knew that there was no way in hell he dug chubby brunettes. (Sidebar: I had always been unlucky whenever I was attracted to someone first, usually that someone wasn't attracted to me, so we would enter the "friend zone". You can put your violin away now.) So despite the fact that dreamy line cook was working just inches away from me, I put him out of my head and did my job, yelling at servers to run their food and yelling at line cooks for taking 25 minutes to make an order of french fries.
Come to find out, Dreamy Line Cook already had a girlfriend. I discovered this by asking my super stealth friend, Jeannine, to find out if he was taken or not, which she did by asking him straight out. After working with him for a few weeks, I came to notice his very sexy sculpted arms, and his even sexier tattoos. His station on the line was very conveniently located on the way to the walk-in cooler, from which I retrieved many imaginary lemons and tomatoes. I have this very clear memory of him looking up at me as I walked by one day, and smiling at me so brightly that his entire face lit up that ugly, drab kitchen. Me, being ever so cool, totally blushed and walked away quickly, practically dropping the imaginary lettuce.
We never really spoke or had a conversation, but I was always checking him out. I categorized him as "unattainable" and never pursued anything. Then, one week went by and I noticed he hadn't been around. Another week passed, no more eye candy. Had I been trapped in an 80's music video for a month? No one really had an explanation as to where he was. I decided that I was dangerously close to being called a stalker, and I dropped it. I eventually forgot about him, and carried on.
The Year: 2007
So in a nutshell, this year sucked. I had lost two friends, whom I considered very close, due to an absolutely ridiculous roommate situation (I would rather work three jobs than ever have roommates again). My daughter had decided that her goal in life, at age 3, was to destroy everything I spent my hard earned money on. I was working two jobs: Bartending at a karaoke bar twice a week, and waitressing at the sports restaurant three days a week. I was always busy, yet always broke and establishing guilt for having to pick my daughter up from a baby-sitter at midnight or later most of the time.
I moved into a new apartment right after Thanksgiving. This time, I was living with the only roommate I wanted, my daughter, even though I knew she was going to keep breaking my shit. I knew that things were going to be difficult financially, but I tried to escape those feelings by an occasional night out with my peeps (not be confused with colorful marshmallows in the shape of baby animals).
So one particular night, my friends and I went to dinner at a new restaurant owned by the same company of the restaurant that I worked at (got it?). Remember my friend Jeannine? She had been working at the new restaurant, assisting in training the new staff. One night, my fab friends and I met up with Jeannine at the new place for dinner. After a delicious meal, Jeannine disappears. Then, literally out of no where, Dreamy Line Cook appears.
"Hi, I'm Joshua!" he said with that 1000 watt smile that grabbed my attention the first time I saw him. I think I told him my name or something of that nature because I was so stunned I really had no idea what I was saying. Then he just started talking, telling me about how he had broken his neck a few month before, and how he was lucky to be alive, and I just simply couldn't process what he was telling me because I was too busy being shocked. Finally he said, "Let me give you my number!" I nervously fumbled with my phone and made sure that I saved it. Since he was in the middle of preparing numerous dinners in the kitchen, he had to leave me but said he hoped to hear from me. After he left, I looked at my smiling friends at the table. "What the hell just happened?" I said.
Later on, Jeannine and I went out bar hopping but I couldn't stop thinking about Josh. Then I realized, I had his number, but he didn't have mine. I asked Jeannine how long I should wait before I call him so I don't appear desperate and her advice was to wait until tomorrow. So naturally, I ignored her advice and texted him that night. No worries, I kept it cool. I wrote, "Hi Josh! It's Jen. It was so great to see you! I hope to talk to you soon!" Simple. To the point and honest. When my phone alerted me that I received a new text, my heart was in my throat. He wrote back, asking me if he could call me when he got out of work. I agreed and about three hours later, we were on the phone.
And we remained on the phone until the sun came up.
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