Ok so I have a job. It's not the most challenging or stimulating or well paying job, but I get a paycheck every 2 weeks with my name on it and I can finally tell Sprint that I'll pay my bill by the 20th and actually mean it. Now that I have ungracefully leaped over that hurdle, I feel a little bit better about the mysterious, mystical future.
Why not try dating again? Because I so miss that inner turmoil that comes with trusting someone again. No really, it's my favorite.
Apparently while I was married, this online dating revolution occurred. Everyone's doing it like the Macarena. Or marijuana.... Anyways, it's become a quite popular way of meeting people. And since I really have no other way to meet people, why not?
Oh, I will tell you why not.
This is where the freaks of the world unite. These are my unofficial statistics about online dating:
One out of 10 men is a sexual predator of some sort.
One out of five men is a douchebag.
One out of three looks like a sewer creature.
One out of two wants to meet you for coffee in about 15 minutes. (Can we start with our names first?)
What does this leave me with? One guy. I know that probably doesn't work out mathematically but I had a permanent D in Math, so please lower your expectations now. Only ONE guy is none of the above, a hard worker, a homeowner, a football lover, well adjusted, super nice, mature, thinks I'm hilarious, and has beautiful eyes..............
A few dates later, great conversations that flowed like water, same values, similar interests, and here I am. A giddy, scared, happy mess. I feel like I've had a spring in my step all week. As excited as I've been, I'm actually terrified. I had not expected to like someone as much as I do right now. I was hoping to only kind of like him, and I definitely did not expect to want to introduce him to 488 of my closest friends and my family.
We've talked about our ghosts of relationships' past and what we've been through. He has an idea about my trust issues. I explained that I need lots of reassurance that he's into me in the beginning. I need to know if I'm wasting my time or if he's worth the investment of my trust. I miss the security that I had with my ex. Granted, it was a false sense of security, but when I was naive about it, it was great. The feeling of just knowing for certain that whomever you're with isn't going anywhere is priceless. Ignorance is bliss.
Last night, I
confessed to this guy that I'm excited/nervous about dating again. His
response was, "Try not to think about your past, let's focus on the
future >smiley face<". To which I responded, "And that was
exactly what I needed to hear >big smiley face<". But now it's 8:24pm. We had plans to hang out for a little bit tonight, and I haven't heard from him since early afternoon. I texted once, called once.....no response. I can't help but presume the worst, which is, he doesn't want to deal with my baggage and he wanted to spare my feelings by applying a thick layer of liquid sugar over everything. Or he fell asleep. Or ninjas attacked his house. Or his phone has been dead for hours and monkeys in tuxedos stole his charger. Or maybe he's "just not that into me".
Whatever the case may be, I'm not going to allow myself to dwell on whether he's simply ignoring me or if maybe he really did get attacked by ninjas...... I'm going to go back to my old methods of self-preservation that I practiced before I got married. They include:
Delete all text messages from dating offender.
Delete dating offender's phone number from your phone.
Try to completely forget his name. Or at least his last name.
Watch The Notebook, and cry it out.
Although deletion of someone's virtual existence may seem a bit extreme, it's better than leaving the temptation to call or text again wide open and risk looking like a Stage 5 clinger. If he does happen to call me with a lame excuse, or any excuse for that matter, as to why he ditched me, I can then objectively decide if continuing to date him is worthwhile. At least 3 times, he said, "I can't believe you're single! HOW are you single??" To which I replied, "Because I've been waiting for someone awesome." The awesome guys are not punctual. They show up when you least expect them to. Usually, they're late. You have to meet a lot of less than awesome people to figure out what's best for you. And, in my case, he needs to be on fucking time and not keep me waiting all night. Are you sure you want to delete this contact? Yup.
