Ok so I have a job. It's not the most challenging or stimulating or well paying job, but I get a paycheck every 2 weeks with my name on it and I can finally tell Sprint that I'll pay my bill by the 20th and actually mean it. Now that I have ungracefully leaped over that hurdle, I feel a little bit better about the mysterious, mystical future.
Why not try dating again? Because I so miss that inner turmoil that comes with trusting someone again. No really, it's my favorite.
Apparently while I was married, this online dating revolution occurred. Everyone's doing it like the Macarena. Or marijuana.... Anyways, it's become a quite popular way of meeting people. And since I really have no other way to meet people, why not?
Oh, I will tell you why not.
This is where the freaks of the world unite. These are my unofficial statistics about online dating:
One out of 10 men is a sexual predator of some sort.
One out of five men is a douchebag.
One out of three looks like a sewer creature.
One out of two wants to meet you for coffee in about 15 minutes. (Can we start with our names first?)
What does this leave me with? One guy. I know that probably doesn't work out mathematically but I had a permanent D in Math, so please lower your expectations now. Only ONE guy is none of the above, a hard worker, a homeowner, a football lover, well adjusted, super nice, mature, thinks I'm hilarious, and has beautiful eyes..............
A few dates later, great conversations that flowed like water, same values, similar interests, and here I am. A giddy, scared, happy mess. I feel like I've had a spring in my step all week. As excited as I've been, I'm actually terrified. I had not expected to like someone as much as I do right now. I was hoping to only kind of like him, and I definitely did not expect to want to introduce him to 488 of my closest friends and my family.
We've talked about our ghosts of relationships' past and what we've been through. He has an idea about my trust issues. I explained that I need lots of reassurance that he's into me in the beginning. I need to know if I'm wasting my time or if he's worth the investment of my trust. I miss the security that I had with my ex. Granted, it was a false sense of security, but when I was naive about it, it was great. The feeling of just knowing for certain that whomever you're with isn't going anywhere is priceless. Ignorance is bliss.
Last night, I
confessed to this guy that I'm excited/nervous about dating again. His
response was, "Try not to think about your past, let's focus on the
future >smiley face<". To which I responded, "And that was
exactly what I needed to hear >big smiley face<". But now it's 8:24pm. We had plans to hang out for a little bit tonight, and I haven't heard from him since early afternoon. I texted once, called once.....no response. I can't help but presume the worst, which is, he doesn't want to deal with my baggage and he wanted to spare my feelings by applying a thick layer of liquid sugar over everything. Or he fell asleep. Or ninjas attacked his house. Or his phone has been dead for hours and monkeys in tuxedos stole his charger. Or maybe he's "just not that into me".
Whatever the case may be, I'm not going to allow myself to dwell on whether he's simply ignoring me or if maybe he really did get attacked by ninjas...... I'm going to go back to my old methods of self-preservation that I practiced before I got married. They include:
Delete all text messages from dating offender.
Delete dating offender's phone number from your phone.
Try to completely forget his name. Or at least his last name.
Watch The Notebook, and cry it out.
Although deletion of someone's virtual existence may seem a bit extreme, it's better than leaving the temptation to call or text again wide open and risk looking like a Stage 5 clinger. If he does happen to call me with a lame excuse, or any excuse for that matter, as to why he ditched me, I can then objectively decide if continuing to date him is worthwhile. At least 3 times, he said, "I can't believe you're single! HOW are you single??" To which I replied, "Because I've been waiting for someone awesome." The awesome guys are not punctual. They show up when you least expect them to. Usually, they're late. You have to meet a lot of less than awesome people to figure out what's best for you. And, in my case, he needs to be on fucking time and not keep me waiting all night. Are you sure you want to delete this contact? Yup.
So... you admit these awesome guys are late but you're looking for one that's on time? Do you see the problem you've created for yourself here?
ReplyDeleteDelete away, it puts you in control and right now that's exactly what you need. :) Love you!
I wonder if he fell into the "if it seems to good to be true, it probably is" trap?
ReplyDeleteMaybe you were so exactly what he was looking for that he got scared 'cause he never expected to find true love.
More likely -- He's 35 and hadn't found THE ONE after several long-term relationships. He either can't commit or the women broke it off with him because there's something seriously wrong with him.
Whatever the answer...it's NOT you! You're my perfect, gorgeous, funny daughter. How could anyone NOT adore you?
Thoroughly enjoyed your blog. Took me back to the dating days and I paused to appreciate my marriage of almost 20 years.
ReplyDeleteI recommend staying away from the internet and meeting men in person. I met my husband in an aikido class. The right martial arts classes attract a lot of very nice men who have a lot going for them. I know several successful martial arts marriages.
As a belly dance teacher, I was often asked for dating advice. My best advice is this: Be the person you want to meet, and you will meet the person you want.
Also, remember that dating is supposed to be fun. I know there is a great temptation to interview for our lifelong companions and the fathers of our children, but good men are attracted to women who are already content with their lives. Focus on you and find a way to have a full life that doesn't focus on dating.
That's because men are like wild rabbits. When you look at wild rabbits, they freeze or run, but they sure as hell don't get closer to you. To tame a wild rabbit, you look away from it and back up to it slowly so it will know you are no threat. You don't let the rabbit know you have plans for it.
When we're focused on whether or not we're wasting time with a guy, we make the future more important than the present moment with them. We're staring at the rabbit. It not only robs us of the beauty of the moment at hand, it scares them off.
And the rabbit has a right to be scared. When a woman looks at a man she's just started dating with the question of whether or not he is longterm material or if she's wasting her time, it is no different from when a man looks at a woman and wonders if he will get laid or if he's just wasting his time. There is an element of disrespect when we focus on what's in it for us rather than just enjoying the moment.
Just go bowling and laugh together without talking about the past or the future. Build some good memories and let things be what they are, and don't get trapped in wondering what he's thinking. He's a man, and men have a three sentence maintenance manual: Feed me. Feed my ego. Feed my libido. Do the first two, hold off on the third, and the rest will follow.
Good luck! You sound like a wonderful young woman.