I Hate Horror Movies So Why Did I Think Dating Would Be Any Better?

Here we go again!

Juuuuuust when I'm about to put a pin in dating for a little bit, I receive a message (online dating, it's an adventure everyday) from a guy who writes something more than "Hi" or "Hey Sexy".  His profile lacked information and he didn't have a picture, yet I was intrigued.  After emailing back and forth, and coming to the realization that he did happen to have a personality and was also pretty cute, we inevitably exchanged phone numbers.  After our first four hour long conversation, I was completely stunned.  He has the exact same sense of humor as I do.  It's almost creepy.  We actually talk the same way when we're joking around.  I know this sounds kind of nuts, but I am kind of nuts.  I'm a complete goofball.  Very rarely do I find someone who can appreciate my level of nerdy goofiness and actually gets it.  Despite the fact that I am blessed with the ability to hold a conversation with pretty much anyone, I often feel very alone.  But before we break out the tissues, let me explain.  Personality wise, I've always felt like an outsider and quite different from most people.  Yes, obviously, no two people are the same.  I seem to have trouble relating with others, especially other women, because I don't take life too seriously and sooooooo many women are wrapped up in some sort of drama or they sweat the small stuff.  That's no way to live.  I digress.

So, I've never met anyone else with a personality so similar to my own, with the exception of my pirate beeches (my lovely friends, Megan and Bridget).  This guy, J, my male counterpart, is also extremely sweet, understanding, and he has shit together.  Let's review:

Job?   Check.  Fourteen years with the same employer.
Not in parents' basement?    Check.  Homeowner.
Values and morals?    Yes.  Check.
Funny?   Almost peed my pants twice.  Check.
Not a serial killer or sociopath?   Double check.

Throughout every conversation we've had, we've taken a few moments to reflect on our similarities.  It usually goes something like, "Oh my god, who ARE you?!  Seriously??  You exist??"  For our first date, we went out for drinks.  Chemistry.  Boom.  Crazy mutual attraction.  The conversation flowed like a river.  And that's all I'm going to say about our first date.  My mother reads this.

After we parted, he called me immediately and we talked the entire way back to my house.  In the days that followed, we established a routine: Text a little during the day, then talk on the phone for at least an hour before turning in for the night.  Why am I analyzing every phone interaction?  Because I have no idea what I'm doing.  I don't know what the rules of dating are now.  I'm in a whole new age bracket, the 30-40 age box.  I'm not even sure what feels right at this point.  I don't want to scare him by accidentally sending one too many text messages or perhaps calling him at the wrong time.  Furthermore, I'm not quite sure what his intentions are with me or if he even knows that yet.  How do you know if someone is really into you for who you are or if he just wants to bone you?  This is the problem I'm having. 

There was a second date, sort of.  We just hung out at his house, which I was initially against.  I don't want to set the standard of just "hanging out".  I really want to DATE.  We don't need to have four course meals, but can we go bowling?  Or go to Rosie's for a Giants game? (We're both Giants fans......swoon!) Or sit on a park bench and make fun of people that walk by us?  Go out for hot dogs? Something?  How do I bring this up without sounding high maintenance and like I want him to take me out?  Even though I kind of do.... We'll shelve this one for now.

After our second "date", I didn't hear from him as much.  I immediately put on the brakes.  Ok so maybe he does just want to hook up with me.  Well I'm not cool with that so I'm going to cease all communication and wait this out.  I was out with my good pal, Jeramy, last Sunday watching the Giants v. Browns game, and naturally, Giants were eating the Browns for dinner.  After a beer or five, I decided one little text to J to comment on the game wouldn't do any harm...  So I send him a text about the game and he responds. We go back and forth for a little bit, and then I stop hearing from him.  So I followed suit and stopped texting him as well.  This guy is wicked good at playing hard to get.  He could teach a class on this shit. 

Four days pass without a peep from J-bird.  I throw in the towel and start exploring other options.  And by options, I mean other single men.  Shockingly, no one as funny or cool as J catches my attention.  Suddenly, I get a text from him after 4 days of nada and he's acting like everything's cool as a cucumber.  I play along, act super casual, then just as before.........he doesn't respond to my last text.  W.T.F.   Foiled again.

Ok, now I am REALLY giving up.  Forget it.  I don't understand.  In every serious relationship I've had, I've never questioned the intentions of guys I've previously dated.  Consistent calls or texts, endless flattery, dinners, small tokens of affection, flowers, basically lots of wooing.  But after having a conversation with my mother, she brought some things to my attention. 

I've never dated anyone who was content with himself or felt that level of confidence that only comes with age and after a few accomplishments.  I seemed to only date guys with bad habits. Illegal bad habits.  And also guys with no goals, no credit, and no high school diploma.  (No judgies.  I didn't learn my lesson until I turned 30.)  Maybe my exes felt they had to work twice as hard to keep me around because they knew I was......perhaps, a little out of their league?  The problem is, I got used to someone worshiping the ground I walk on.  I don't mean that I received Tiffany necklaces for Christmas or flowers every day.  But, generally speaking of course, I was treated like a princess in the early stages of every relationship and I ate it up.   Treated like a princess, until everything spiraled downward and fell apart into a great big giant mess. 

So J calls me today.  When I see his name show up on my caller ID, I don't even know what I'm going to say.  A few things cross my mind, such as, "What is your fucking deal?" and "Ohhh so nice to hear from you. I thought you died." Instead, I begin with a "hello", since this is America and that's typically how we answer the phone.  We end up talking for an hour about everything under the sun, yet again.  I did (in a joking manner) bring up the time lapse since the last time we spoke, and his response was "I don't recall hearing from you either...."  Then I realized, this guy doesn't play games.  I don't have to wait to contact him.  I can do whatever I'm in the mood for, just as long as I'm not in the mood to look like a needy psychopath.  He's secure and content with himself.  He doesn't need to have someone in his life, he wants to have someone in his life.  And he's been single for 4 years, waiting to find someone worthwhile.  He's smarter than a lot of people are these days.  He doesn't rush into things only to regret them later, which is how I've lived my life.

What now?

 Fun.  Just pure, unbridled fun.  No labels, no expectations, no pressure. Whatever the hell happens....happens.  (Wish me luck.  I really like this guy) :)