Everything. Was. Perfect. I decided to quit my job at the sports restaurant because I made more money bartending in two nights than I did all week there. Plus, I was getting tired of running Alexa around to different baby-sitters all the time. AND I just got really sick of working at that god forsaken place. It gave me more time with Josh and Alexa, and I felt as though we were all bonding, kind of like a weird, little mismatched family.
We talked about getting married someday, and it felt 100% right. He was so..........enamored with me. I truly never thought someone could love me that much and that I would feel the same way about him. It was then that I understood why people get married in the first place because before, I thought it was nothing more than a binding contract. And in a way, it is, but there is so much that stands behind that contract. I wanted to show my family and close friends how happy this man had made me. I wanted to stand up in front of everyone and vow to love and cherish him for the rest of our lives. I wanted a fancy, delicious cake.......
So let me just make one thing very clear: I am not a materialistic kind of girl. Would I kill someone over a pair of Christian Leboutin shoes? Well............
Ok, would I kill someone over a new Coach bag? No. I appreciate the finer things in life, but I can live without them. I am the epitome of "champagne taste on a beer budget". And most of the finer things in life are just that: things.
"But, Jen, what does this have to do with anything?"
Calm down, I'm getting somewhere!
Josh came into a reasonably large sum of money that he really didn't know what to do with. To this day, I don't remember what he spent it on. He did, however, begin hinting around about my ring finger. He commented on how I never wore rings and he may have even flat out asked me what my ring size was. Now, I'm starting to get excited. My imagination is running away with me. How is he going to propose? Where is he going to propose? WHEN IS HE GOING TO PROPOSE?!?!
A few months go by, and nothing happens. His birthday is the same day as St. Patrick's Day so clearly, to me, this is a big deal. I will celebrate anything when there is beer involved. I asked what he wanted to do to celebrate, and he didn't share my excitement. Our families celebrated birthdays very differently. My family almost went over the top. His family, not so much. So I decided to make a spectacle of his birthday weekend. I'm talking limo, fancy restaurant, and a whole night of drinking $8/bottle champagne. Yeeeeeaaaaaah buddy!!! Then on his actual birthday, we attended the St. Patty's Day parade and proceeded to become obliterated. Drunkity drunk, drunk, drunk.
The next morning, I felt like I died. I actually wondered if I had died, was rejected in the afterlife, then was rolled up in a ball and shot through a cannon back into my bed. Sick does not even begin to explain the way I felt......and the way I continued to feel. Two days later, I was still nauseous. I had no appetite. I was lightheaded and had a headache. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks.
I was fucking pregnant. I was pregnant through St. Patrick's Day!!!!
Since this was not my first rodeo, (the first time I was pregnant, I found out after being in Las Vegas for month for work. I will not be going into a nice nursing home when I'm old) I took 4 pregnancy tests, just to be sure, and broke the news to Josh. His reaction was far better than mine. I was not happy, he was ecstatic. He was too excited to look at the big picture. I loved my bartending job. No, I couldn't do it forever, but I was happy for the time being and the money was great. How long could I be a pregnant bartender for? I became very concerned about money, work schedules, and mostly, what my parents were going to think. Here I was, again, NOT married (still not technically engaged either), NOT yet fully educated, bartending for a living, and NO savings account. This time, they would disown me for sure.
Josh was so elated and couldn't understand why I wasn't. This was a dream for him. I was pretty much all set with the one beautiful child I had, and he wanted to be a father so badly. He was very much against abortion and adoption was just not an option for either one of us. So we decided to go through with it. I eventually moved past my worry and moved into a happy place again. Fortunately, my parents were slightly more excited than the first time I told them I was knocked up because they liked Josh and they knew we were serious about each other. All systems go!
Well sort of. My mom offered to send us on a "babymoon" if we got married before the baby was born. Since Josh and I didn't care how or when we got married, we agreed. He told me he didn't care if we were married in front of a justice of the peace or an Elvis impersonator, he just wanted to marry me. So a small wedding was thrown together in just two months. By the time everything was planned and ready to go, we wanted to elope. Don't ever try to plan in wedding in two months. Trust me.
There I was......a bride with a bun in the oven. Six months pregnant, but I honestly couldn't have been happier. All the important things I wanted to be a part of my wedding were there. My dad walked me down the aisle, we were married outside, the food was great, the cake.....oh my God, the cake.........perfection.
The honeymoon/babymoon was.......interesting. We decided on a trip to Niagara Falls. He had never been, I hadn't been since I was a kid. We stopped in Buffalo on the way and ate at The Melting Pot. He surprised me by upgrading our dinner with a bouquet of roses and our server took a beautiful picture of us at the restaurant and framed it. We were off to a great start!
Up until this point, I hadn't gained much weight, but it all hit me by the sixth month. I was tired, I was cranky, and I did NOT feel like walking all over hell's half acre to see the Falls from different angles. But I sucked it up, for Josh and for the exercise. I made sure I didn't complain because I didn't want to be a nagging, complaining wife already. We had fun, but we didn't have as much fun as I thought we were going to have. His mission for our honeymoon was finding a really great deal on liquor from the duty free on the Canadian side of the Falls. We walked all over Canada trying to find the right place with the best deals. I was ready to go home. He wouldn't let me sleep in because he wanted to go out and do stuff early. We didn't even really do.....honeymoon type things. There was something wrong about the whole trip, but I couldn't put my finger on what it was that made us so out of sync. It was almost like the trip became more about him, than about us.
As we drove back home, I tried to push my worry aside. So we didn't have an epic honeymoon, so what? I'm freakin' pregnant! Pregnant women aren't fun! Or are they........? I was very confused. Was our lackluster honeymoon going to set the tone for the rest of our marriage? Am I being too neurotic? Is it ok to take a Valium while you're pregnant? What did it all mean?!!?
You make me laugh and cry at the same time, my beautiful, hilarious daughter! Don't forget what we talked about re this blog.
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